I log in, read posts, comment and sometimes get into update blog section- I write a few lines and then just exit without posting. Mostly because I have nothing to write about. I am leading such a mundane life that it is not even funny. Bloody fuck! I am young! I should be doing exciting and stupid things in life! Ok, I do stupid things in life, but they are not the exciting kind. 

I want to stop leading such a student economy lifestyle! Heck! I had a better lifestyle when I was in school! I think that is the problem. When I was in school, I never had any shortage of money. Now, I'm having such a tough time living the life of a designer with no fixed income. There are months when I have a sudden infusion of a large amount of cash and then, months with no substantial income. I need to find some stability- at least enough for my minimum expenses every month. The business of fashion is tough and demanding. I am having a highly stressful time navigating through! It's not because I don't have the talent, but because I am slightly clueless and need to find sustainable opportunities. My income for Jan and Feb were disastrous, I had to ask my mother to pay for everything. And in March, over just 3 days last week I made enough to cover my expenses for 3 months! 

Anyway, I am figuring out a strategy and steps I need to take to achieve financial stability with my studio. After being in the business for 2 years (the studio officially opened for business on 27th March 2010), I guess I am finally closer to achieving some sort success! It has been such a unexpected rollercoster ride but I will make sure that I will never crash and burn out!

Wow! I still can't believe that I have been here on Xanga for 6 years now. I started blogging on January 27th 2006! I think I should find some time to go through the posts over these years and see myself grow from an 18 year old to what I have become now. Reading the first few posts, I know one thing hasn't changed much- I am still very much lazy!

Here's to more years of, well, me!

So, I have been MIA for a while now. Well, there wasn't much of action... perhaps there was. Anyway!

I had a lovely 3 week break; 2 weeks at home in Kerala and a week in Goa. I got back to Delhi on the 3rd and even after all these days, my heart is still not here. I think I should consider moving from Delhi... need a change. Life is so stressful here. I never realized it before... but the 2 weeks at home was pure bliss. I have no worries there... everything is so well taken care of! I guess I still don't want to grow up!

My dad turned 60 in December; it was one of the main reasons for going home. 60 is a milestone birthday in our culture and we had a traditional celebration by throwing a feast to our extended family. It was a lovely day for sure.

I was supposed to fly back to Delhi on the 25th and head to Goa on the 27th. My mother asked me to reschedule my flights so that I can be home for my our tharavadu pooja (The annual pooja-ritual offering- of the deity installed in the tharavadu- ancestral house). The Macchil Bhagavati (the godess) is the protector of our lineage and is worshiped for the prosperity and security of the family. As a matriarchal society, I belong to my mothers family and not my fathers. I have written about this pooja a few times, but I managed to take some photos this time. Incidentally, my grandfathers death anniversary is also on the same day.

Our tharavadu (the matriarchal ancestral home) is some 200+ years old.

The entrance to our tharavadu.

Our tharavadu- the front facade.

The carvings on the main door.

The Macchil Bhagawati, the family deity.

The Brahmin priests in the middle of a ceremony.

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I'll write about the Goa trip in another post. Till then, Happy New Year Xangans!

Some nights, as I turn around in my bed half asleep- the vastness of a cold, empty bed strikes me and I really wish that there was someone sleeping next to me... 

Sometimes, all this is so difficult. The constant pressure from everyone, asking you to give up and move on to new things. But, I will not listen. This is my life, this is my vision- I just need to stick with this and I know I'll get there. You may think I'm just another dreamer and that I need to be real- but my dreams are my reality, it's just that you can't see that now... that's a failure of your imagination but one day, you will see too because what I imagine today will be your reality tomorrow.